TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
