You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you had me at cake vodka
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
