true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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