3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
