Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
