I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
