My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize