They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh god it's open bar.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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