it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
