DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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