I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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