Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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