careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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