you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
