I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
