I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
