feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
