I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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