I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
