I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The power of my boobs compel you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
