Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
