my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize