we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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