like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
