listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
