you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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