OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
