I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o