i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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