mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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