I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize