Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
