carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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