Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
