She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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