this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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