Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
