Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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