eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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