the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
