The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
