Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
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So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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