you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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