My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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