I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
