He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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