The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
