he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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