I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have post one night stand depression
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
