All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
