i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
