im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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