i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
