I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
