I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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