I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
