Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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