i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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