You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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