The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
