Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
