"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
